Round 5, Challenge 2, Zoe

[vae]

Title: Two weeks
Author: woodsong_1978
Character: Zoë Alleyne
Rating: PG-13
Question: #2) What was the most uncertain period of your life? The most certain?
Disclaimer: Zoë doesn't belong to me. She belongs to Wash, and then to Joss. Just so you know.
Author's Notes: Spoilers here for BDM and Serenity (pilot).
Comments: Craved. Con-crit always welcome. I mean it.

Ain't much of a one for uncertainty. There's only so much time you get in life, and there ain't much point wasting it on uncertainty. Had my share, though. Can't be avoided. Imagine the most uncertain time I had and the most certain happened to be around the same time, and the both of them lasted just two weeks.

It ain't Wash, if that's what you're thinking. He was always a certainty. Only absolute certainty I ever did find. First met the man, was certain he bothered me. Got to know him, was certain I wanted him. Fell in love with him, was certain that marrying him was what I needed to do. Would've spent the rest of my life with him, if the opportunity had offered. Turned out I spent the rest of his life with him, and that's good for something. Now he's gone, I'm still certain. Certain we did right. Certain I miss him, like there's a part of me been hacked out and thrown away.

But that ain't what you asked, and you'd best not be getting impatient. Ain't often I talk this much, so you give me my time.

Two weeks I said, and if you ain't worked out which two weeks I'm meaning, you ain't half as bright as you look. And that ain't a compliment.

Spent two weeks in Serenity Valley after the high-ups surrendered. Most uncertain time of my life. Didn't know from one moment to the next who was going to live, who was going to die. If you'd be next to snap. If it was worth holding on or best to just turn your gun on yourself, get out of there. Had no gorramn clue what was happening in the rest of the war, either. Couldn't tell if we'd win, or if we'd lose, if there was going to be anything worth living for afterwards. If we'd get taken out of there like heroes, victorious, or if we'd get herded up and issued out to prison camps. If we'd just stay there, waiting, until every last one of us died and took the problem out of their hands.

You're asking yourself now what's certain about that, and I'm telling you, there weren't much. What there was, though, was the captain. Sergeant, he was then. Was pretty damn certain that man lost everything he had when the news of the surrender came through, and he had to stand there watching the rest of his platoon getting destroyed around him. They broke him, that day. Fell to me to put him back together, and after every time he'd hauled my ass out of trouble, was certain I owed it to him. Didn't take much. Just being there. Being alive. Was no one else on our platoon managed that much. All it took, though. Made him think I was needing him, relying on him. Let him think he didn't need me. Certain that the both of us needed the other.

Ain't nothing romantical about it. Don't want you thinking that. Never was, never will be. We ain't wired that way, me and him. Too much alike. Don't mean we don't need each other.

That's certain.